Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
