just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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