When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
