we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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