You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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