two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
