Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
