you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
