just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
