and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
