We won't sleep together?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
