sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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