why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
this is an emotional support booty call
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
