i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
