I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
