Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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