Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
