Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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