oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
