apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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