Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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