I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
