i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
