I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
