So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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