Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
