So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The uberlube is also flammable
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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