I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
