I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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