I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
