DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
