So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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