i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize