Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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