lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
