So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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