the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
