would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
