You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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