the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
