Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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