Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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