I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
