i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
theres a video...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off