I've blown a few things in my day
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
