No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
