And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
