didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
