What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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