So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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