Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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