Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My bed smells like the plague
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
