My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
