Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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