I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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