I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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