i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
