do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
