The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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