Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
