Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
