I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
