I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
