Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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