omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
