i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
