So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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