And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
