Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
