My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
