Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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