I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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