How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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