Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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