I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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