I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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