I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
