end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
