I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
